i don't think i can take this anymore. She is acting cold to me again. Not answering my call, doesn't want to reply my msg. I am fine with that. I know her decision now. I am sensitive. I know smt is happening on her side. If i remain her second option, so be it. Really heartbroken by the way she treats me. Hot and cold. The same with Sharina, and now with her. Guess with these 2 girls, I am the weak one.

I deleted her from my list as I dont want to disturb her anymore but i doubt myself. how long can i stand not to msg her. I am weak here. but as day pass by, I believe I can overcome that. Can feel she's ignoring my call. I am growing tired with these kind of things. Can i just have a break.

I always believe this is part of my karma. I might think she's the only one for me, but in the end, guess i'm wrong. I am not who she wants. I am never the person she wants. I always remember she said she will never play around with love, well she did. Sweet words can stay forever. It is meant for coating purpose. It will degrade.

Juliet told me not to be angry or hate someone, instead be happy. I am trying. trying to be happy and trying to get her out of my mind. It will be really tough. I wanted a life with her. Things didn't work out the way I wanted it to be.

Always tell myself, life is too short to worry on such thing. Live life to the fullest. Eventually, guess i will grow tired with relationship and just want to be single. Girls that I love will never end up with me. That's just life to me. Sounds bitter from me. Each and everyone life are different. Some might find their the one, some might not. And I fall into the unfortunate category.

Think it another way, the unfortunate might works my way too. Financially, am i really good enough to be in relationship? Is Jestina good enough for me? I can raise a lot of questions here. I know all these are for self satisfaction because only with that way, I can get rid of her.

Hot and cold treatment, I am tired of it. Guess in relationship, everyone has to pass through it. like it or not, you have to overcome it. I try very hard to overcome it. Initially, believing that if I really want something, it will materialise, guess some things like love, it wont works that way. As much as I want her, I mean nothing to her.

She can just forget about me that easy. I feel bad if I ignore her. This always comes in my mind, appreciate people that treasure us. Some friends take things for granted, friends like that, we can ignore. She might take me for granted, but to other friends, she might not be. It is the same to me. Some friends think I take things for granted, so they ignored me.

I want to meet her before I go to Phuket. She is avoiding me. Just told Juliet, Happy moments won't last forever. Treasure it while you are still experiencing it. because you won't know, next seconds, that moment will disappear. I believe this so much now. When Jestina is good to me, appreciate that moment, treasure it. because the next hour, things will turn cold. always bear in mind that, she might take you just to fill in her time. By adopting 'appreciate every happy moments that happen" I believe my life would be more simple.

Writing this relieve me a lot. I don't like to keep this with me forever. I believe i made the right decision. I am really tired of being treated that way. DO i deserve this? I have no answer. but I felt better expressing myself here.

Find friends that appreciate us. Friends that take things for granted, we can just ignore them. life is too short to fill them in. There are a lot of happy things awaiting us in front. I believe.

Good night. 1.19am