I can be tough with my mind. We can overcome everything when our mind is strong. The only thing that can hurt me so badly is love, the greatest weapon in the earth. Those who choose to play with feeling must be the greatest bastard in the world. No thanks to them, girls are scared of having another relationship. Pure bastard!
My relationship with her didn't go on smooth. Things started to crack since the second week. I confronted her because I was really concern about our relationship. It seems that she is still not ready to start a new relationship. From what I observed, the main problem lies in her character for being independent. She doesn't need a bf right now. She was sorry that she agreed to be my gf when she's still wasn't ready.
I never blame her for that. I don't want that to happen as well. I admit, I'm suffering when my gf treated me like that. I kind of felt she's a bit cold towards me. The intimacy is no longer there. We used to be close, we used to smile to each others when we met and we used to enjoy each other presence. It is no longer there. Those were only memories now. Things changed. Things are never the same again now.
I can feel that the excitement when meeting me is no longer there. Sometime, I felt she's avoiding me. Well, maybe I think too much. I hope I'm wrong. I really do. I believe she can be a very good gf when she really committed to a person. I can see that in her, a very caring gf. That explains why I will try to convince her to change her character. Sometimes, I do think her character is not the main issue here. The problem might lies in me. I might not be the right person that she wants in her man. Again, I have no complain to that purely because I really have nothing to be proud of currently. Given the time, I trust myself more than any other creatures in this land that I can be a success. Everything takes time. proving to her that I am the right person takes time as well.
I think her feeling towards me can degrade so fast due to the fact that we have nothing special to cling on. There's nothing special in our relationship. It not her fault when she thinks that way. She really got nothing special to cling on in this relationship. But to me, she is the special one. I treasure her like she's really my sweetie. I love being with her and I hope slowly she will feel the same way towards me.
I want to write this post because I want to jot down everything that involve her in my life. My time that I spent with her is never a boring moment for me. Its really relaxing looking at her smile. I know I don't have a good memory. I need this mini diary to help me to refresh all the moment that both of us manage to have, be it a happy moment or the other way.
I just sent our 1st Month Anniversary card to her house. I wanted to give her a surprise with the card. 19th May 2011 is the date that I will always remember as the date she accepted my proposal to be my girlfriend. I can never forget that moment when we were in the car. How she will react to the card, I have no idea. I hope she will like it. I put it on her Swift windscreen, clipped by her wiper. Hopefully, wind won't blow the card away. I am really looking forward to see what's her reaction tomorrow after reading the card.
Unsure whether she remember our anniversary is on 19th May. Not a surprise if she really didn't remember it. I am still her no one. Those experience will push me to make myself her someone.
Jestina, I love you.
No comments:
Post a Comment